Wassap Wit Dat! - Do Something About It

Posted on: January 23, 2008 at 9:35:39 am
Do Something About It

My mission to always keep the blog upbeat and entertaining needs a twist once in awhile so I'd like throw a curveball out there to make you tink (think) once in awhile so here's one that took me awhile to write for my 7 die hard blog fans. (woo-hoo!)

It's been almost a week since Baby Cyrus has gone and the thoughts and images of that tragic event are still fresh in most peoples minds. There are still overflowing flowers and gifts from visiting grievers along the bridge and I must ask, Why?

Before some people get all defensive and snap, please hear me out and keep an open mind.

We, as locals, always pay respects and honor any death with flower and lei at the site as a remembrance and tribute - just look at the many memorials that decorate our roads around the islands. Family and friends, a given...but total strangers grieving and decorating a memorial of a person they have no relation or connection to?

Keep your shirt on and breathe for a few seconds before you start calling me an insensitive son of a gun. Believe me, I was just as moved as the next kama'aina and my heart sank as my mind spun but I can't understand what's up with all that "stuff". I've seen people sobbing uncontrollably, laying teddy bears, balloons and cards on the bridge all the while the DOT (Department of Transportation) has asked people not to leave anything directly over the freeway because of falling debris yet people still do. Will those who place the sentiments maintain the site so that those who actually use the bridge can do so freely without fear of disturbing the overgrowing shrine? Does grieving someone you never knew give you a free pass to disregard the welfare of others by possibly causing an accident down below? Shouldn't the DOT staff be better suited to tend to maybe...our pothole problems?

All the rubba neckin' to see the memorial going both east and west bound on H-1 causes heavier traffic than normal at one of the worst spots on the freeway and I can only imagine the congestion of that narrow two lane road to which the bridge starts from for people trying to find parking and view the memorial.

Don't get me wrong because I am a very sensitive person - anyone that knows me can attest to that...when I not acting macho - but what I'm trying to say is that if you were deeply moved by the tragedy, then do something about it! If you're not a family member or friend, don't spend money buying lei and gifts no one will use. Will that make you, as a person, feel better to place a lei just so you can say you did? I've been hearing "pay respect" or "show support" used as catch phrases but what exactly are you respecting or supporting standing there and leaving items to be thrown away by a city worker in thirty days? Why not donate that money to agencies that could actually put it to good use like Drug-Free Hawaii or better yet, use that energy to volunteer at one of the many agencies that could actually use your help.

Don't feel sorry for yourself or the situation, take action and spin it into something positive. Isn't that what we try to teach our keiki? Make a difference even if it's for one day or one hour. I'm sure there are tons of agencies that will accept any kind of help although there are also those that ask for a "minimum" amount of time too so it's up to you. At least you can offer something that will not only make you feel better/good but actually make a contribution to the very society that you talk about needing change.

That's why I continue to coach. I was tired of kids acting like punks and stopped playing for the love of the game. It's reasons like that, that I needed to give back so I decided to do something about it and haven't looked back since.

So whatcha gonna do about it? Just something to ponder about...before you snap.

20 comments • Permalink • Report offensive comment

Comments:

Comment from: adt [Visitor]

Good post. And yeah, I couldn't believe that dang traffic back up caused by rubber neckers. I was driving to pick up my grandma from church last Sunday (the one day of the week when traffic is usually tolerable), and I couldn't believe that the traffic backed up from that memorial overpass all the way to the University/King St. area. Immediately after the overpass - completely clear. What the?!

01/23/08 @ 10:13

Comment from: Largo [Visitor]

Interestingly enough, as I listened to the radio this morning, a caller asked about the Cyrus Belt fund set up at a local bank and wanted to know who monitors where that money goes and how it's going to be used. Short answer is: No One. The person who set up the account manages the money. The bank and the media just promote it, but the account holder uses it to his/her discretion.
Hmmm...

Now on the other hand, Janel Tupuola has a fund set up at her church - Windward Baptist Church. I'm sure that the church will make sure that all donations will go to help Janel's family directly, whether to help cover funeral costs or to provide food and housing for the months ahead.

01/23/08 @ 10:24

Comment from: MoOgooGuypAn [Visitor] · http://www.moogooguypan.vox.com

You insensative son of a... nah nah nah. You make a pretty good point. I see all kinds of memorials all over the place and never thought of alternative solutions. Donating or volunteering would be a more substantial way of showing sympathy for the tragedy. Friend or relative gets into a DUI car accident...join MADD. Some druggee goes crazy...volunteer as a peer mentor. Your right. Maybe you should change your accounting career and put it into writing. I really like your topics. (one of the 7)

01/23/08 @ 10:27

Comment from: jusamee [Visitor] · http://jusamee.vox.com

i gotta agree with you Braddah Lance... when i was watching on the news about having too much stuff at the site of this horrible event i thought the same thing. for those mourners who really knew cyrus, had to know that he wasn't in a safe environment and should've done something before to avoid this tragedy. to those who don't know cyrus, but are moved, should do what you suggested...volunteer or donate to organiziations that help families of domestic abuse or even organizations thah help people with severe mental or emotional conditions, so something like this doesn't happen again.

the whole bank fund thing does sound a bit fishy...but there are still others who need and deserve help. why not honor the memory of these two victims, cyrus and janel, by making sure the same thing doesn't happen to someone else.

01/23/08 @ 10:32

Comment from: Beara [Visitor]

Good topic. Before the DOT even said anything about the hazards of such memorial, I was thinking the same thing myself. Someone's "respect" and "support" could potentially kill someone else on the freeway below. I totally understand the mourning for Cyrus, but instead of creating another situation that could end badly, I agree with you--do something about it!

01/23/08 @ 11:03

Comment from: Chicken Grease [Visitor]

I'm on the same side as you, Lance.

I guess I never understood the whole "leave flowers and items" at the place where a loved one met an untimely passing on our roads.

Admittedly, I hope I never have to find out the rationale behind such action.

For now, I think I feel the way I do due to a poem I've known for a long time. This poem, by one Mary Elizabeth Frye, has calmed and helped me in instances where a loved one has passed on (I know the "snow" part might not necessarily apply in Hawaii situations, but, a great bereavement poem nonetheless):

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow.
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle autumn rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there.
I did not die.

Always makes my eyes well up, chest tight when I read that poem. I know, we're talking about the 'site where such tragedy happened, but, the poem's focus is to celebrate the person's life and not fixate on melancholy, I suppose.

Sort of back to topic: I can see the state getting stink eye if they outlaw placing rembrances at such 'sites. Maybe they should do a directive instead -- encourage folks to use the money they'd normally use to purchase flowers, balloons, stuffed animals, etc. to the victim's memorial fund that the banks seem to always hold (and, if there's a problem with that, maybe another party should be entrusted with the money, like the Red Cross, etc. But, I haven't heard of any adverse problems with the banks handling such memorial funds).

Putting these items on the side of the road where tragedy happened is heartfelt and healing to many, but, may pose a potential hazard.

I guess my strongest argument is, all of these items are subject to ruin by the elements. Let's put 'em someplace worthy of the departed. Someplace other than the scene of the tragedy.

01/23/08 @ 11:16

Comment from: no can believe [Visitor]

heartfelt condolences to all the families having to cope with the ordeals.Lance, you make a good argument/we should all be responsible and try to do something. These incidents are highly publizied/probably because of its violent nature. But everyday domestic/child abuse is going on and many times the victims themselves don't know where to turn. We, as parents need to educate our children on these issues that are real and everyday. our daughter had a situation where a friend of a friend had said in confidence that they were victims of abuse and didn't know where to go. our daughter then had called people she knew that could possibly help/and yes, that person now is getting help to try to deal with the problems they face. Many of these problems are real and everyday and because of our busy schedules we don't know. But if we at least try to educate one another to recognize what is out there/get chance. cannot forget these issues once the "pub" is gone.

01/23/08 @ 11:19

Comment from: Coconut Willy [Visitor]

I totally agree with you Lance. I was telling my wife, what good is all that stuff going to do? Yes it's honoring the deceased, but more so I think it is more about making the person feel better about themselves. Like you said, channel it in a more positive way.
I was stuck in the traffic backup last Saturday from University until we passed the overpass where the memorial is. what a distraction!

01/23/08 @ 13:08

Comment from: 9th Island Girl [Visitor]

As someone who works for a nonprofit that deals with abused and neglected kids, I appreciate the plug for volunteering.

Still, I think people do need to do something to express their grief. I thought the same thing about the magnitude of the memorial, though: it's actually hazardous!

One of your 7 supporters ;)

01/23/08 @ 13:46

Comment from: LRob [Visitor]

You make a good point. And while I agree with you that it makes no sense to leave flowers and all that stuff for someone most of us never knew, I think for some people, its the only way they may know how to grieve. Losing a loved one is really hard, but when its a child and it happens in such a tragic way, I believe some people find it hard to understand and may feel the only way to deal with it is to do things like this.

I think for anyone with a child, this kind of tragic event really affects us differently.

01/23/08 @ 13:48

Comment from: Tinytim [Visitor]

Lance, I think that people can do both in this situation. I don't think there is anything wrong with people paying their respects at the bridge. I do agree that it shouldn't be a danger to other motorists, but I agree with LRob that it's one way for people to grieve. You may think that it's in vain since Cyrus has already passed, but a memorial of this size does have some benefit as it draws attention to what caused this tragedy. Issues such as mental abuse, drug use (e.g., ice epidemic), and parental neglect. Could these issues be addressed without such a memorial? Possibly... but I think that seeing the outpouring of support reminds us that we can't let these issues go without doing something about it, and that others feel the same way about it. I thought the march last night addressing the death of Cyrus and Janel was important too. Although it didn't raise any money, it did raise an awareness of certain issues facing Hawaii. I think it's great to give money to charities or organizations or volunteer to help, but showing support for Cyrus with a memorial also brings about change. With your analogy, we shouldn't have Veteran's Day to honor and remember veterans who gave their lives for our country, but rather should focus on donating our time and money to helping other veterans. I think that we can have both. A holiday to remember and help for anyone in need of it (e.g., homeless and emotionally distraught veterans).

01/23/08 @ 14:18

Comment from: LRob [Visitor]

Tinytim - I completely agree with you. You made really strong points. We can have both...we NEED both.

01/23/08 @ 14:33

Comment from: Braddah Lance [Member]

Just to clarify - I never said NOT to grieve or you can only have it one way or nothing, but wanted to point out that there are constructive ways to use one's emotions (meaning the stangers, not friends or family). And I totally agree with all that everyone grieve's differently but why does it always have to be the same? I mean, I'm sure you all have at least one friend that always cries about something/anything all the time - have you ever asked them 'what are you going to do about it?'.

TinyTim: yes, the memorial does bring out awareness of all your mentioned problems but are those who are grieving going to do something about it? Probably not. It's all about them going through an emotional cycle and in the end cheering themselves up. What I wanted to express was that instead of thinking of yourself, you could actually use that emotional energy to help others and feel good about doing it. It's a win/win situation.

I am still confused by "support". Does buying flowers support the cause or awareness? Or is it just supporting our local florist? (oops, did that slip out?) Now the march I understand. That's support and awareness - That's Doing Something About It.

01/23/08 @ 15:04

Comment from: J.P.K. [Visitor]

I gotta agree with you Braddah Lance, even during non-peak traffic hours, both sides of the freeway bottleneck before the memorial and as soon as you pass it, it's as free as the wind.

Comment from: Chicken Grease [Visitor]

For now, I think I feel the way I do due to a poem I've known for a long time. This poem, by one Mary Elizabeth Frye, has calmed and helped me in instances where a loved one has passed on

Funny thing you mentioned this because in Japan, a Japanese tenor released this song (in Japanese) as a single and it was the highest selling single for 2007. With your BR reference in Cat's blog, I'm guessing you keep up with Japanese entertainment.

01/23/08 @ 15:08

Comment from: cataluna fan [Visitor]

Gee, for a moment I thought I was ready Lee Cataluna's column--but that's a compliment, because I'm a huge fan of her work.

But anyways, thanks for offering the social commentary. It's a fairly honest observance of the issue, I think. However, everyone tends to grieve in different ways, Lance. I agree with you on your points regarding the memorial site (eg. safety issues), but in a way, it sounds like you're trying to measure the "actions" or "inactions" of other to your standards of what you think is appropriate. Just the idea that people are being touched emotionally, enough to put themselves out there, speaks volumes of how other lives are affected by such a tragic incident.

I know you've been the Arizona memorial. When you walked out on that platform, and stared into the water watching the oil drip from far beneath the surface, did you stop to ask yourself why you were there? It's not as if you were grieving for any one person in particular, but rather commemorating the monumental significance of what took place there. As an aina-loving guy; did you stop and ask yourself how come they don't just remove the oil-leaking ship, before it pollutes the harbor for another 20 years? No, you didn't (and if you did, you'd probably kept it to yourself)...because you understood why people, complete strangers to the incident itself, continue to visit the site year after year. While the impact of something like the beginning of WWII would not likely be compared to the death of baby Cyrus; to some folks out there, the tragedy is just as significant.

But on another note...and a question I'm throwing out at you, Braddah Lance.

I know this may not be the appropriate analogy to draw, but would you have a similar reaction to a public show of support that rallies sentiment based on positive (ie.not as tragic as incident) themes? For example, this past football season, tens of thousands of fans rallied around the enthusiasm created by the UH football team. Would you argue that those fans, some of whom came out to watch football for the first time because they were touched by the spirit of the team's success, could have employed their support towards a more worthwhile or productive effort...like donating the full cost of their ticket (trips to the Sugar Bowl) towards the school directly? Or is it just something that can't be argued about at all...from your perspective. Just curious.

01/23/08 @ 15:13

Comment from: Braddah Lance [Member]

cataluna fan: Please read my reply a little earlier. I never said it was unnecessary to grieve and yes, different people have different ways of doing so. It just would be nice if people could harness that energy through a positive outlet.

Arizona Memorial - you're right. I wouldn't want them to dig out the ship because the oil leak is significant in meaning. But when visitors attend, they not only memorialize the event/location, they also are getting educated and helping indirectly through donations and purchasing gift shop items.

Warrior Football (Go Bows!) - Ditto. While the money used to buy the ticket would have been a nice donation alone, they are doing actually exactly what I've been trying to point out. They are supporting our Warriors with, of course the ticket sales, but with an able body screaming at the top of their lungs and legs stomping tyring to back our boys up. They are Doing Something About It. They are not at home pulling weeds or "talking" about supporting them. They're doing it...along with the thousands of others purchasing t-shirts, photos and various other "H" logo items.

Actions always speak louder than...flowers. ; )

01/23/08 @ 15:46

Comment from: Chicken Grease [Visitor]

J.P.K.: Funny thing you mentioned this because in Japan, a Japanese tenor released this song (in Japanese) as a single and it was the highest selling single for 2007. With your BR reference in Cat's blog, I'm guessing you keep up with Japanese entertainment.

Not to go off-topic, but, I didn't know the poem was associated with a Japanese singer. It is from the author I mentioned, I know that. Would you know the name of this Japanese tenor? I'd like to see if I can check out a YouTube or hear the album he sings about regarding this poem (Japanese translations of English things tend to become as mauled as, well, we Westerners can tend to do at times).

I know Battle Royale from the Hawaii International Film Festival; never bothered to get the DVD. Too sad, that film. But, I did read the Koushun Takami book twice; good example of strong characterization in a novel.

Back to topic.

01/23/08 @ 16:38

Comment from: cheerbrat [Visitor]

I agree with you 100% and don't think you're insenstive at all. You're just stating your observations and I commend you for writing about an unfortuante situation and letting people address it. Kudos to you...

01/23/08 @ 16:55

Comment from: J.P.K. [Visitor]

Comment from: Chicken Grease [Visitor]
Not to go off-topic, but, I didn't know the poem was associated with a Japanese singer. It is from the author I mentioned, I know that. Would you know the name of this Japanese tenor? I'd like to see if I can check out a YouTube or hear the album he sings about regarding this poem (Japanese translations of English things tend to become as mauled as, well, we Westerners can tend to do at times).

His name is Akikawa Masafumi. Here's a link to the song on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4ARYxHZGrs

And sorry to continue to go off-topic, but I missed out on BR at the film festival. I joined the year after it came out. And you're right about the book. I was sorely disappointed when I saw the movie (after reading the book ... but doesn't it always work out like that?). It was still a good movie though.

01/23/08 @ 16:56

Comment from: RNtobe [Visitor]

hey bro thanks for sharing your thoughts on this; i know that must not have been easy for you but that's who you are. its interesting to read people's comments on this horrible, just horrible event. so lets make sure we try not to read to much between the lines and just accept the fact that this one person has a different opinion than the other one and no one's opinion is wrong/right which ever works for you. big aloha, c'ya bro for our next lunch date; make sure you bring your phone eh ;)

01/23/08 @ 19:30

Comments are closed for this post.


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